The Scorpios

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Thursday, March 23, 2017

Puns, Jokes and Pertinent Questions

Ojas- Pushp and Suman plucked flowers and then they died. Why?
Me- Why?
Ojas- Because they themselves were pushp and suman.
Hindi Lessons!

Bhishm can marry Satyavati. Problem Solved. Says Ojas when things got complicated with the fisherman Dad of Satyavati. Why didn't we think of that solution?


Tejas- Green house effect should be called red house effect because red is hotter.

Tejas- before going to do the big job- I am going to do excretion - Bio lessons!
Ojas- Mujhe urine aa raha hai.

In a great moment of bonding, we decided to sing to karaoke. I started with Last Christmas.
Tejas- Politely- I think you should try something sung by a woman.
I tried another one, increasing the volume of the TV
Tejas- Let me close the door.

Kids- Open the door, I want to go to susu.
Me- do outside
Kids- cc TV will see my anus penus
Ojas- and chaddi
Tejas- I am not wearing chaddi

Me- Do you know when Mamu was small I pulled his pant down so he crawled towards me and tried pulling my skirt
Tejas- He should have just done this- made a lifting gesture
Simple Revenge Solutions

Tejas wrote a poem for my bday (2016)
A hen set out in a good mood to look for food. She got too angry and she ate her own brood.
Very Phoebe-isque poem

Why did you pull my hair Mamma
Tejas to Ojas- Mamma will say it is pyaar pull

Dialogue Check
Mummy help me
I am your mummy. Nobody will help you


In another news, both children wanted to vote for the guy who wanted to cut language classes and add more PT classes.


On a road trip Tejas was jealous of Ojas who was reading on my kindle. Since it was a pdf he couldn't access dictionary.
Tejas happy- little pleasures

Tejas when he saw cousin's Arabian dress picture
Who is this? Jesus Christ ? Why is he Arab?
Valid Religion questions

In a spree of environmental friendliness I asked Tejas to pee in the two compost pots.
Tejas- how will I pee in one, stop and pee in the other. I cant stop in the middle
Biologically sound question

During Doopaadoo Launch
Ojas- Mamma, Shruti Hasan asked my name when I was tying my shoelace.
Tejas- My friends will be J when I say I met ARR and Shruti Hasan
Ok. ARR I understand. But...
Isn't it too soon?


Ojas upon finding a chocolate in the fridge
Tejas- Which date did you get it in the birthday party? Cant you remember which friend gave you? Why didn't you eat.
He checked the date. Checked with me whether it was old. Finally couldn't control and ate it
Enlightened  Shoppers as usual

Tejas- I know about valentine's day. The day people make friends
Proud that he knows about it since 2013?
Wasn't that too early to know it?

Ojas- name one thing which is solid, liquid, gas
Me- Water etc?
Ojas- poop, pee, fart

The thing I hate is the plastic bat thrown on the dining table.
So I threw the bat outside.
He went promptly to my cupboard and threw my things on the floor.

One power-less night we played bull cow game. (number mental hangman)
We started with numbers
I asked Tejas to think of a four digit number.
My first elimination guess was - 1234
Tejas- surprised- correct
Ojas- ha ha Tejas Gandhi

Ojas- childish insult- eat cockroach saliva
Tejas - They don't have saliva

Me- Ojas- take this honey water and gargle
Ojas- Cover kar do. Flies aa jayega. Sweet hai na.

Me to Ojas- I have eyes at the back of my head
Ojas- Wait let me poke and check. No. No water in my eyes. Now let me poke your real eye and check.

When I had said the same to my brother when he was the same age he had asked a genuine -really?

Ojas- Mamma tell me honestly. Are you going to Delhi for office work or to meet all mamis?

Ojas when I didn't answer him- Mamma, kuch question poocha. And repeated the question
Beta bada ho gaya

Me- I am going to litfest for fun
Ojas- I know why you are going. Tumhara book dekhne

Tejas- why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7,8,9
Ojas- 7 doesn't have mouth. how will he eat?
#Kaise joke banaate ho

Ojas- If Hindu man marries Christian woman, will the children be Christian?
Tejas- I know an example- Murugan Mary

Ojas - a friend told me I kept lava in bottle. huh
Tejas- You cant even go near a lava.
Ojas- true

Not getting fooled!

One night I wore a sleeveless nighty
That day Ojas didn't want to sleep on my arm
Because- arm pit smell. Finally he put a pillow on it and slept


Ojas tells Mamu- Waiter, make juice for me (he was making drinks)
Mamu- get lost (in politer manner)
Ojas- I will complain to your manager. Goes and complains to Mami

Mamu- Cant find Barcelona T shirt
Ojas - What about Argentina, Germany
backup always ready
Ojas- look for Messi t shirt. Will be written at the back
Mamu- Doondhna padega
Ojas- Toh Dhoondho.
Never take no for an answer
No excuse shopping

Nani- Why didn't you write Hindi notes
Tejas- I was sent out of class so how would I write?
Casual Class

Ojas- did you sneeze on my French fries? Bacteria will come and infect it.
Tejas- So I can eat both French fries.
Ojas- Bacteria will come in your mouth
Tejas-- My bacteria only. Its coming out and the same is going in so no problem

In another news, I coughed on Ojas' head so that he shampoos.
He shampooed three rounds!
Fear of Bacteria works


Ojas- wake me but not in a terrible way
Me- what is terrible way
Ojas- switching off fan and mosquitoes bite

Me to Tejas- mera bachcha ko (Ojas) mara
Ojas- Main bhi tumhara bachcha hoon



 

What are the Sons Upto?

If the hair on my head were not already thin, they would have greyed by now considering they have taken to working like geniuses.

Last night I entered my home from my walk of 2000 steps and smelled the unmistakeable smell of L'eau de Issey. Yes it was World fragrance day on 21st March but doesn't mean I must smell fragrance like an air freshener.
The children complimented- Mamma your 'office' fragrance works. It kills ants. Which perfume? How many sprays? I knew the answer but still I asked.  They pulled out the Cabochard bottle and told me, this one.
'This one?' I screamed. 'Smell it. Does it look like you have sprayed this?'
'Yaa, this smells like Jasmine..'
'So? You sprayed this one?'
Ojas grabbed the bottle and I grabbed it back even as he sniffed it and said, 'yes this one.'
On one hand I felt relieved that I didn't walk to a smashed bottle of my favourite scent and on the other hand I panicked at the waste.
' How many sprays?' I asked, my heart beating.
'One only.'
'One?'
'Each'
'That is two sprays.'

I could have cried. Perhaps it is time to stop saving them for posterity and start using them liberally before they end up being used for letting ants leave in style (Dotmom's words not mine.)
What killed the ants, certainly made me stronger.  And yes, one more pun- I did pay through my nose for the perfume bottles.

 

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Riot of Colours at Kalakshetra

 The most exciting aspect of Kalakshetra is the colourful fair. A riot of colours that never fail to excite even if one doesn't want to really shop.
Guess what I bought from here?


The painstakingly done applique from Odisha, some of them carved from a single cloth.
 The colourful glass lampshades from Rajasthan, throwing a riot of colours around when lit


Judgement Day
Neem Wood bowls- my favourite for serving snacks





Brown lights are not bad too- Bamboo lights


Ceramic and Neem wood ware from Manjari Kanoi Pottery. They even ship across to you.


Wood and metal from Indore, I picked a lovely metal sun

My favourite- mini pottery

Wood/ bamboo flowers not like the real thing but maintenance free for dry flower arrangements


Love the simplistic style of terracotta pottery

Colours for the feet

jewelled on naturally found stone, uncut


the joys of silk

colors for the floor

my fav grass baskets- can never have enough

Grass coasters from Varanasi

and now glass
Bengal silk
MP Chanderi silk





Pochampally







Andhra leather lamps



Slurp


Ikat my fav

Mac and boys

video
Old Mac a doodle has two boys...
Whom he tamed into giving him treats

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Water Bottle Flip

Didn't know water bottle flip was a thing. Learned this from Sue's FB post and decided this needs to be recorded here for posterity and for possibly reminding the children of their atrocious act towards the defenceless water bottle. .

Well, this bottle flip is weird and annoying to boot. I feel that somehow, the water inside after suffering several flips must have got spoiled or lost its taste. Weird but the husband agrees to this too. I guess we have become those parents who say - kharab ho jayega to the children for every little thing they do.
Be it door banging, touching the TV remote several, touching the mobile phone, changing the smart charger wires, flipping the switches a little too many times, sleeping on bed covers and not the sheet, dragging their shoes on the ground; the list is endless. I yell, 'don't spoil it' for anything they touch or do which is not ordinarily done by adults.
The children have grown and we have finally learned to invest in our house so the dread of the décor being spoiled rests prime in our minds.
The plastic mineral water bottles is not a new tool to the children. They have been using empty bottles as a bat during travels several years now. Soon they began to cut them out to make highly useless crafts. Then there was a phase in which they poked holes at the bottle cap and used them to sprinkle water on others and in the process spray the home with several droplets making me scream- 'ghar ganda kar rahe ho' in agony and frustration.
The children raid my bag everytime I come home from a flight, in the hope of finding a mini waterbottle to be used for drinking water as they played. I hate them bottles. I believe they are best discarded however the children do not agree to my sentiment.
So when the 'bottle-flip' happened, I gave it the royal ignore. As long as I didn't have to drink the water inside that would have surely separated into million sets of two Hydrogen and one Oxygen molecule at the merciless flipping and thus wasn't fit for drinking.
The flip, is a flick of wrist of semi-filled bottle and with enough practice of the wrist and not the bottle, it lands upright. The flip, is an in thing among children of this age and is accompanied by the most annoying gurgling sound of the water together with the bubbling of the surface.
The flip cannot be ignored because it is in effect, a sport among children of this age group.
The flip, can drive parents to screaming and snatching of the bottle, dumping the water in the nearest potted plant and crushing the bottle mercilessly and dumping in the dustbin.
The fear of the flip may cause a parent to discard the bottle right before entering the house or leaving the airport. A parched throat is preferable to the hideous sound continuous water bottle flip makes.
The lure of flip causes children to drink several gulps of water in an attempt to empty them quickly or too watch the parent gulping the water in glee. Warning- may cause children to snatch water bottles away from the parent even if he or she has not had its full because a certain mean sea level / mean water level needs to be maintained in the bottle.
The love of flip may cause a stash of plastic bottles to get accumulated in hidden spots by the children much to the angst of the parent.

A parent can just wait and watch for the flip to pass.
 

Monday, August 08, 2016

My guest post on Kiran's blog

Making Every Word Count

The journey of a writer perhaps begins with the first alphabet that one writes, haltingly, painstakingly, with a hopeful parent or a no-nonsense teacher holding and guiding the hand. Each day of the hallowed journey teaches a new word and the discovery of these exciting words provides an inexplicable delight. Slowly but surely as the love for the written word sets in deeper, a wordsmith is born.


Read more at 


https://kiranmanral.wordpress.com/2016/08/08/guest-post-by-riti-prasad-author-of-wicked-temptations-a-delightful-short-story-collection/


My interview at Writerstory

What inspired you to start writing?I have always been fascinated with the beauty of words, the way they sound when read or spoken, themanner in which each word is a concept in itself and how a single word here or there could create a sea change in the implication of a sentence. In school, I loved writing short stories in English tests and wrote a few articles for my school magazine. I never imagined that ordinary people like us can write books but when I saw a lot of friends publish books, I thought I must try my hand at it too. 

Read more at 




Sunday, June 12, 2016

40 point plan revisited

Just revisited my 40 point plan that I had done 8 years ago and I am quite surprised to see that I have achieved quite a bit of that and also that many of them are not relevant now to me.


1. Lose excess kilos- I know it is not a SMART goal but then we don't want to announce our weight in public right! DAMN
2. Travel - atleast 1 country in each continent- DAMN only done Europe
3. Try my hand at entrepreneurship- culminating the ideas I have in mind like -DAMN not so very relevant though as I don't really want to do it
4. Write a book/ story/ publish something atleast and make money out of it- Ah, one thing I can cross out from my list but not the money making part! KUDOS
5. Drive something other than a small car, like, err, a bigger car KUDOS
6. Become an ace interior decorator for my home and change it's look from its current state of storm ravaged wasteland homely look and get the garden shipshape KUDOS though not become an ace decorator
7. Teach/atleast do guest lectures DAMN
8. Take a sabbatical DAMN
9. Highlight/ Streak my hair DAMN
10. Take a holiday with my husband (yes, it is a rarity for me- only 1 so far and I am in the 5th year of my marriage) (sob) DAMN
11. Become an expert cook rather than a random, tentative, no frills cook- develop a fairly extensive repertoire of recipes and menu items (again goal not SMART enough because I really don't know how many I can do but I will know when I am fairly equipped to cross out this item from my list) DAMN got myself a cook
12. Experiment with different cuisines and continue to make them on a regular basis rather than one off kinds DAMN got myself a cook
13. Visit my birth place (Scotland) oh what the hell DAMN
14. Start celebrating festivals the way it has to be done setting a good example to the kids  DAMN
15. Buy jewelry for myself (on a regular basis instead of just doing gold coins) KUDOS and outgrown it also
16. Start wearing sari on a regular basis to work -ah KUDOS
17. Go to theatre/ concert (never done it) (shame)- KUDOS KUDOS
18. Learn Western dance- DAMN
19. Re start music lessons (?) KUDOS AND DAMN  stopped, got it out of my system
20. Have our own house rather than a poky flat- DAMN, and KUDOS we have a non poky flat though
21. Change my furniture- KUDOS
22. Institute 5-S in my home - already started the Seiri (Sort & Throw)- KUDOS
23. Go to atleast 1 or 2 non English speaking country after learning the (basic/ functional) language- KUDOS but never learned the language
24. Go in a helicopter DAMN what was I thinking
25. Learn to Control my Temper KUDOS
26. Job related ******censored****** KUDOS
27. See the Himalayas DAMN
28. Go for a couple massage with Hubby off course KUDOS but no bid deal. different rooms!
29. Send my parents abroad- The sibling did so KUDOS
30. See the Taj with Hubby & Kids KUDOS
31. Travel in Palace on Wheels DAMN and not relevant now
32. Learn to bake 5 - 10 varieties of cakes- KUDOS
33. Learn 5 different chicken recipes and make them on a regular basis KUDOS but I got a cook
34. Restart playing kalaeidoscope KUDOS and DAMN stopped again
35. Do combined puzzles with the kids (as soon as they are old enough- incl crossword, jumble, kalaiedoscope, jigsaw) DAMN
36. Start playing Monopoly & Scrabble with the kids also Carrom (though I am lousy at it) DAMN
37. Read more authors than the usual (already started) KUDOS
38. Visit all the Indian States esp North East, and North- done with Bihar, UP, MP, Rajasthan, Maharashtra, Kerala, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu, Haryana, Gujarat, Orissa, West Bengal, Andhra, Goa...a loooong way to go but kya kare bad luck hi kharab hai DAMN but did a lot of travel
digression- I always though I would be taking annual dream holidays post marriage but that has never happened! KUDOS
39. Get a makeover done and do it regularly- basically be an aunty "maal" - learn how to do a proper make up - get funky glasses, multiple ear rings, no made up look, hair style, eye shadows, eye liners, the works added to my just lipstick look. KUDOS somewhat
40. Turn 40 in style - KUDOS

Score- 23 Kudos
21 Damn

Monday, May 23, 2016

Spook Me Out contest for Face at the Window

"If you drive across that stretch of road in the night, you will sometimes see a spirit. They are white and translucent shapes floating away. They don't harm anyone. You need to just stop the car and let it pass. What do you think ITW? Do you agree with me? If we leave them alone, they will pass without harming us right?"

I was at a great loss when I was asked this question for according to me, every question warrants an answer but I could however neither agree nor disagree with his statement so was wondering what my appropriate response should be. So I just decided to show my ignorance- "I would not know because I have never encountered a ghost before."  Privately I often thought that this ghostly white translucent shapes are totally stereotypes. Do ghosts not love colour?

Having said that, I wouldn't know of an encounter from the sinister, spiritual realm considering I  never take risks, being the kind of person who always prefers to stay in the safe zone.

And that means, I will hold on carefully to any support when I enter the toilet in a rapidly moving train, will not venture out in the dark and will not enter spooky looking places like dark alleys and caves- entrances of which could easily be closed by ghosts. I would say the best student that Mad eyed Moody could have would be me because I take very seriously his mantra of "Constant Vigilance" and am rarely caught in an unguarded moment. And in the rare cases when the husband manages to startle me with a sudden "bhow" sound, my survival instinct kicks in and I scream the hell out.

Therefore I am sure that even ghosts and poltergeists are wary of making an appearance before me for fear of being spooked out by my ear splitting screams.

Perhaps the scariest horror shows that I have seen on TV was Kile kaa rahasya. On hind sight it was more of a comedy than a scary thing because of the weird nature of the ghosts that would get revealed in the end. One would feel more sorry for the so called ghosts than be scared of them. Even then, just the memory of the intended spooky scenes would ensure that at the end of the show, my sister and I raced each other to run out of the TV room to the bedroom because the last one out of the TV room will have to switch the TV off, put out the lights and take that walk through the dark hallway to the bedroom. Very scary and spooky indeed. 

But this contest demands I talk about my spooky experiences and hence what may appear to other daredevils as the mildest of spooky experiences needs to be narrated here because well, spooky is spooky- one cannot measure it by any scale of reference.


One winter afternoon, I stepped out of my college hostel into a park for studying and as it often happens to people walking or sitting under large trees, I found myself being suddenly blessed by a well meaning crow. There was a small shed in the corner of the park and I got inside it to wash off the smelly crow poop at the tap. I was engrossed in cleaning up the poop in the darkened shed and suddenly the door shut behind me. Not thinking much I tried pushing the door back and to my shock the door had been bolted. As far as I recall I had taken just a few seconds to try opening the door and looking out of the tiny window of the shed. However I could see no one around except for a solo woman in the distance clearing the grass in the park. I screamed out to her hoping fervently that she was not hard of hearing. But apparently she was and she could not hear me. In those few moments I wondered what would happen to me because no one would have imagined that I could be inside the shed even if they eventually notice that I was missing. I began to feel claustrophobic and terribly scared. May be about five-six screams later, a man came and unbolted the door of the tiny shed and I stepped out in relief. However the man did not fall in my target group hence I decided not to fall on him in relief and just settled with thanking him profusely for letting me out.
To this date, I cannot fathom who locked me inside. Whether it was the same man who did it to play a prank or whether it was someone else, I have no idea but even today, a vague flash of memory of those few minutes spook me out.

This post in my entry for #TheFaceAtTheWindow Miami Blues Contest. 

Monday, January 18, 2016

On Hindi answers

Plate mein woh pearl kaa Hindi lekar